When it rains…

 

To whomsoever is dating or in a relationship with a person with mental illness

\\To whomsoever is dating
or in a relationship
with a person
with mental illness\\

I hope you didn’t pick him
like the puppy you brought home
in 3rd grade or the kitten
you tried hiding from your parents
for 6 months.
I hope you didnt make a cross out of him for you to be his saviour,
I pray that you didn’t take him to be another project that you can fix.

Because your parents didn’t let the puppy in,
the kitten outgrew your secret hiding place and the last time
you tired to fix anything,
you gave up
and left it in a worse condition.

Don’t pick her for her vulnerability,
you have no idea what she does
to get out of bed each day,
you will not believe the hours of sleep
she is running on,
you will dare not do the things she does to put up a smile.
Maybe if you did pick them for that,
come clean.
Chances are, that they already know.
We are society’s stray for a reason, abandonment is not new to us but still affects us just the same, everytime.

Yes, we know we’ve built our own prisons.
Sometimes we are the prisoners, sometimes we are the guards
but both times we have the keys
and would rather stay in.
If we were in a bunk after a nuclear war,
I would be happy.
Lesser places to be,
fewer people to smile at
and no more sunsets to be sad about. Don’t remind him that.
He might not be the party person you wanted,
she might not be the one to dress up
every Friday but they will,
for you.
When they do, know that they love you more than the love they show themselves, when they don’t,
promise to love them the same.

Our minds are landmines of triggers
we don’t know what is buried where.
Words, places, times, colors
and something so little
like an evening drizzle can set them off.
So when you think we are unjustifiably angry, pointlessly dramatic,
know that we are sorry.
We have as much control over these
as a toddler with a mug.
But never, ever push buttons
thinking you know what to expect.
Most times even we don’t.
Do you think we got these scars
by careful planning?

I know all of this is too much to ask,
too much to give
and too much for a daily routine.
But, isn’t that what love is?
Too much?
When we say the magic word
“Love”,
know that it comes from a place
of so much hate for our self
and yet we chose to love you.
Please be the love that I was not able to show myself,
please be the kindness that world doesn’t show us
and please be the understanding that no one will ever give us.

If it ever comes to a place
where it’s too much for you to take.
Pack your bags, pick up your beds and leave.
But, tell her before you leave.
Tell him, your goodbye.
You see, when a person with mental illness finds love,
he’s always picturing it walking out of the door.
So, this is not the worst that can happen to us,
your absence without a reason is.
But can you stay?

||*Disclaimer: People, irrespective of their illness, disabilities and oppression can still be assholes. If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to get out. ||

By Daniel Sukumar

One Child at a Stretch

Choose Compassion

One Child at a Stretch

As I stood on the street
Just a few feet
from what used to be our home

With a child on tow
No job in hand
A few dollars in my tote.

The word on the vine
Said I deserved it all
Cause I dared to end the vows.

Two people shattered
No one cared
How we would come around.

Its true you know
Heroes are made
When adversity strikes like a pro

He chose to retreat
I chose to rise
I became my own hero.

I stood alone
But I stood strong
I found myself a job

It wasn’t easy
There were voices there
Trying to pull me down

But every time
I saw my child
I got my strength to go on

I shushed the voices
Fought my demons
And steadied my own ground

Those at one time
Called me names
Now come out to cheer

Oh! Look at her
Such a fine mum
Its like she knows no fear

But in the end
Its none of this
That makes it all worthwhile

Its a secure child
Who happily exclaims
“Mama what a beautiful life.”

My child is kind
My child is warm
He is a pillar for all his friends

And that is how
You build a better world
One child at a stretch.

-Nisha John-

What Love Means to Me

Love is a big word.
Maybe I’m crazy, but for me
Love means a deep connection with a person…..
It’s where you know what I’m doing now
And I know what you are doing now.
It’s where I can’t sleep without saying goodnight to you
And you can’t sleep without kissing me goodnight.
It’s where I think of you first thing in the morning
And you think of me as soon as you wake up
It’s where I die to hear you
And you die to speak to me
It’s where I know what’s bothering you
And you know how to make me feel better when I’m bothered.
It’s where I want to tell you everything that happens
And you want to tell me all that went on with you.
It’s where I brag about you to my friends
And you show off your pretty girlfriend, that’s me.
It’s where we fight like mad
But make up with love
It’s where it hurts me to see you in pain
And you’ll kill anybody that tries to hurt me
Maybe I’m crazy but that’s what love means to me.

-Nisha John-

Love Lost

My son, My life

Death, it calls me every other day
while laying on my bed or staying awake
Enticing me with better days
with no suffering that eats the soul away

But the thought of you my little one
with your innocent eyes looking on
Calling out, wondering where mama’s gone
Keeps me from moving on.

Hero or loser?
I do not know….
I brought you in this world
I can’t abandon you now.

So here I stay for a while longer
with a purpose in life a bit stronger
To help you grow into a beautiful person
For you my son, my only reason.

-Nisha John-

Give love a chance

I’ve got you on my mind
And I don’t know what to do
Whether to keep it all in
Or tell you how much I love you

We had so much love
Have you forgotten it all
The passion we shared
The time we risked it all

That crisp cold night
With music afar
Both of us dancing
Under the star lit sky

I know we made mistakes
We were only just kids
Can’t we put it all behind
And start afresh

You’re scared I’ll hurt you
But we are wiser now
I promise to be careful
This time round

I hope you agree
Our love is worth one chance
All we gotta do is
Give it an honest shot

–Nisha John–

Choose Compassion

As the calender changes for a year
Let’s all stop for a while to cheer
For little kids who fight to live
And little hearts that may not win
A thought for those less fortunate
The ones with no food on their plate
A mother with hard choices to make
A father who can’t be saved
If we can each warm just one soul
Or help someone feel whole
The world would be a better place to live
A new beginning to feel thrilled
Doesn’t matter how small your action
This new year choose compassion.

–Nisha John–